Listen, if you are going into your vision but no one is coming with you, you are not a leader, you are person on a walk. You have to develop some people skills! It’s amazing how many pastors and leaders don’t have people skills. Some are only interested in speaking to those who can promote them and their ministry. I was in a conference recently in which I was being ignored mainly, until someone realized I had ten nice platforms they could teach on, and considerably more money than most of the other ministers in the room. Then suddenly, I became a person of interest. Not because of my wisdom, my personality, not for friendship but because of what people could get from me. That’s not people skills, that’s sycophantism and it is obvious and it is repulsive.
Other pastors are so nice and kind to everyone that if someone stabbed them they would apologize for getting blood on their knife. They don’t know how to say no. They do not know how to confront people. That’s a skill that is lacking in many churches. Jesus knew how to say no. Jesus knew how to confront people. Jesus did not let people manipulate or intimidate Him.
But at the same time, Jesus had strong and healthy relationships. He once called Peter satan, but the next day, Peter showed up looking for more work from Jesus. That’s a strong relationship!
Leadership at its most basic level is influencing others, so your ability to connect to others is directly linked to your leadership ability. You have to learn to start new relationships and connect to people, you have to be the one who starts things. Proverbs 18.24 says that a man that has friends must show himself friendly. Don’t moan that no one is calling you or texting you, pick up your phone and call and text others. Listen to other people, find out where they have come from, find out what their life is all about, what they care about – and you will build relationships. Don’t be too busy working to build relationships with the people – people is the work!
You have to learn how to communicate clearly. Communication is a two-way street, not a one way street, so not just talking, listening too. Even in preaching, which is fairly one-way as a means of communication, I can feel if the congregation hasn’t grasped something so I need to go over it again, or if they have got really excited about something so I need to speak more on that. There’s always two directional traffic in good communication.
One of the best ways to build good relationships is to support people when they are going through hard times. We all need that kind of support at times, and if you are the one providing it, you will be able to lead more effectively. Now do it for real, don’t do it to increase your leadership base. Don’t do it to earn brownie points with someone, don’t do it to make someone guilty or indebted to you, just do it out of love. But one of the benefits will be that!
Another key I have found to good relationships is to be positive. People gravitate to positivity. There is a serious lack of positivity in this world. When you start saying something like “When I pray, things happen”, “I can help you beat this”, “we are going to see some miracles today”, “we are going to get to where we are going”, some people will get their back up, mainly because they don’t want to put any effort into changing, but others will be drawn to that kind of faith and positivity. That is the kind of relationships you should be building.
Working on people skills is something that will take the rest of your life. Deliberately do it. Find people who are good leaders and learn from them. Actively work on good friendships.
Inspiring and Challenging Dreamers 